i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
