Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
