im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
