Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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