Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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