Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
