So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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