They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
