The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
