just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
