i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
