I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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