I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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