my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
