Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he thought i was a dude.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
