At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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