Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
