apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
