was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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