I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
