I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
