About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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