No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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