I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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