just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
