hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
