I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
