party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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