Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
