Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
