i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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