You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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