My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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