I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
