you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
