I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
