Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize