i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
