If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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