dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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