yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
