How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
