we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We're using joints as your birthday candles
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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