We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
