Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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