Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
