Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
