It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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