oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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