woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
