member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
