so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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