If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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