I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
