If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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