I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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