Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
