Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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