Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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