Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
