i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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