Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My liver just had a heart attack.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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