He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
