that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
