Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
try to milk me bitch
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
