cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
