god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
