I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
