is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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