I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
