i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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