I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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