Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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