I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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