Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
