He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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