hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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