Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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