Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
