so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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