just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
