I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize