ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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