u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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