idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
