why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
